Beyond the Nook Fanfics April 2017 Contest
by BeyondTheBookFFNook
Summary: These series of stories were submitted by various authors for Beyond the Nook's April 2017 Contest. Stipulations were to incorporate an April Fool's Day, a Prank, or General Silliness theme in honor of the Weasley Twin's birthday and be under the limit of 7,500 words. Enjoy!
1. The Mistaken Pastilles

Story Title: The Mistaken Pastilles

Rating: T

Genre: Humour, Fluff

Penname: _-undisclosed-_

Pairing: Draco/Astoria

Summary: Astoria doesn't feel too well after eating one of her cousin's hidden joke pastilles. Or that's what she thinks...

* * *

The Mistaken Pastilles

* * *

"Daphne!" Astoria stepped out of the fireplace of her sister's place, sounding distraught. "Daphne!"

"Yes! I'm here, little sister!" Daphne came out of her study, where she had been working on the accounts of her family. "You're a little early for tea... What's the matter?"

"I–" Astoria made a heaving sound, placing her hand on her lips and then swallowed hard. Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath. "Draco isn't home and I... I don't feel well." Smiling faintly, she opened her eyes again. "You remember the prank Mylo played on us at the last family fest?"

"You mean the Puking Pastilles?"

Astoria nodded, her hands still covering her mouth. "I think I ate one this morning. I..." She took another deep breath. "I had some sweets left Mum gave us to take home."

"But that fest was almost a month ago." Daphne led her sister to the nearest seat, as she was starting to shake. "I thought you've eaten them by now."

Astoria shook her head. "You know I don't really have a sweet tooth, but I always loved Mum's sweets... So I had one every day." Finally seated, she immediately leaned back, gripping the armrests tightly.

"Savouring them as always–"

"I hate Mylo for this!"

As much as their cousin liked to play the family jokester, Daphne knew it wasn't Mylo's fault this time. "Dotty?"

Her own house-elf appeared, an expectant look on her face. "Yes, Mistress?"

"Go fetch some water and a vial of the Nausea Potion from my bathroom for my sister. And don't take too long, or you might need to clean the carpet later."

The house elf nodded and Disapparated upstairs, from where a faint crack was heard.

"Draco only wants his childhood elf in our house," Astoria said, more to distract herself. "He calls her Tibby."

Daphne nodded and Summoned another seat to sit down opposite her sister; the grey tinge and the shallow breathing worried her as it reminded her own pregnancy with Tilda, her daughter, who was thankfully sleeping soundly in her nursery right now. Just thinking about it brought the gagging knot in her throat back. "You know what the real joke was about those Puking Pastilles?" she asked after a deep breath to shake off the memory.

Astoria's eyes flitted in her direction, narrowing slightly. "The _real joke_?" she asked, then swallowed hard, trying to keep herself from heaving.

"Mylo was at Mum's place yesterday with his parents, and he swore that he really didn't put any Puking Pastilles anywhere, only told everyone he did."

"What? You mean it wasn't a Puking Pastille? Like I rather ate something bad?"

The house-elf finally reappeared, with a glass of water and the vial in her hands, handing them to Daphne before disappearing once more with a polite smile towards the guest.

Daphne opened the vial before handing it to Astoria. "Take this. It'll help." She smiled softly when Astoria winced while trying to prop herself up to take the potion.

"Ugh. You took that during your pregnancy with Tilda?" Astoria grabbed the glass of water to rinse the taste of the potion down.

Daphne nodded. "Yeah, it tastes awful, but it really helped." She could almost immediately see the effects of the potion, as Astoria relaxed and her complexion slowly returned to its usual light bronze. "Better?" she asked, placing both the glass and the empty vial on the table close-by.

"Yes, thanks." Astoria leaned back; she couldn't help but smile in relief when she took her first real deep breath since she came over. "So, you're sure it wasn't one of those Puking Pastilles Mylo mentioned?"

Daphne shook her head. "I'm sure. Mum made him swear it was the truth because she hadn't felt well after the family fest either. Apparently, she had a stomach flu."

"Maybe I have something similar? Some sort of stomach flu, I mean..."

"I don't think so, my dear sister. From what Mum told me, she felt worse than you today. And she said she definitely threw up from eating something bad; she just wanted the truth from Mylo."

"Hmm..." Astoria looked up, biting her lip. She always did that when she was mulling over something. "No!" she finally whispered before covering her face. "Oh gods! That can't be..." She started to giggle, shaking her head. "Can't be." Her giggle turned into a fully fledged belly laugh. "Can't be," she repeated, trying to breathe between her fits of laughter while wiping her eyes.

Her sister's relieved sounding laugh was infectious, so even Daphne had to giggle. "Care to enlighten me?" she asked when her sister finally calmed down again.

"Sorry. I didn't think _this_ would ever happen, we tried for so long," Astoria said, straightening herself, still chuckling. "My period is late and I felt sick this morning... And to think that I stressed out over Puking Pastilles!" She couldn't contain another relieved laugh, shaking her head in shocked disbelief before rubbing her face.

"You mean you...?" Daphne indicated to stroke over an invisible bulge, her eyes wide in surprise.

Astoria nodded, placing a hand on her own belly. "You know we tried everything. I was ready to give up, to look for other options... Even adoption. Merlin, his parents would have disliked me even more for considering!" More laughter shook her, her hand still placed on her belly. "Gods, how am I going to tell him? It'll be a shock!"

"He'll probably be happy, like you right now," Daphne replied, leaning forward. "But why don't you go see your Healer just to be absolutely sure before you tell him?"

Astoria looked at her, furrowing her brows for a second before she nodded slowly. "Maybe I should. Just to be sure. It would destroy him if it turned out to be a false alarm after telling him..." She straightened herself, stroking once more over her belly, then brushed through her hair to put it back in place. "Would you come with me? I don't want to go alone..."

Daphne sighed. As much as she would have loved to go with her sister for support, she couldn't leave her own daughter alone, nor did she want to wake her up before her time; her daughter was a difficult sleeper and every moment she was asleep was bliss. "I wish I could, sister. But I don't want to wake Tilda just yet. You know how she is."

"Yeah, I know." Still grinning broadly, but nodding in understanding, Astoria got up, slightly wobbly on her feet. "Still thanks for listening," she added before hugging her sister who had gotten up as well. "This is just the best day in my life!"

Daphne rubbed her back, and then let go of her again. "Now, go have that check-up! And then tell me everything the Healer said!"

"If you let me hold Tilda," Astoria replied, taking a step towards the fireplace. "You know she loves her aunt."

"Oh, she does. Because you spoil her rotten. Don't think I'm not going to do the same with yours!" Daphne countered amused. "See you later." She waved her sister goodbye and watched her disappear into the green flames, a happy grin now permanently attached to her lips.

Daphne waited several seconds before she used the fireplace to send a short message, knowing that the recipient would show up within moments of receiving it.

And he did.

"I take it my wife was just here?" Draco asked, his eyebrow raised in question, briefly brushing over his clothes.

Daphne nodded, pursing her lips in an attempt to contain a similarly happy smile as her sister had just shown earlier in her moment of realisation. "It worked."

He tilted his head, his eyes wide. "It did?" he asked. Silently thanking the heavens for the miracle, he let his head fall back before returning his attention to his sister-in-law with a happy smirk; even his whole posture relaxed. "Thank Merlin! She was losing hope!"

"You should have seen her laugh when she realised it, she's definitely happy."

"Thanks for your help, I owe you one."

"Nah," Daphne replied, waving dismissively. "Seeing her laugh in relief like that is good enough. Though you might want to thank Mylo for his prank that gave you the opportunity. To use Mum's sweets to hide the fertility potion..."

"A good one. And the last straw really." Draco nodded in agreement, chuckling and shaking his head as if he was still not believing the good news. "Where is she now? St. Mungo's?"

She nodded. "Yes, but she wants to tell you herself, so please play surprised when she does–"

In that moment, the fireplace came to life. "Daphne... I can't–" Astoria stepped out, but stopped mid-motion when she saw Draco. "What...?"

"Hey, love," he said, trying to put up an innocent look, but failing so completely at it because he couldn't contain his happy smirk for more than a couple of seconds. He pulled her into an embrace as words now failed him too.

"You know?" Astoria asked surprised, wrapping her arms around him. When he nodded, she buried her face in his chest, shaken by another round of laughter—the laughter of someone who had a very heavy burden taken off their shoulders.

Daphne watched them from a few steps away; she didn't want to intrude too much in this happy moment between them, as much as she shared the sentiment. But what touched her the most was Draco's reaction, who still tended to keep his emotions hidden—for the first time since their wedding, she saw him completely unguarded, with an unusually broad and happy smile, even discreetly wiping his eyes. They were both chuckling repeatedly, unable to say anything for a moment. Daphne could only imagine the relief they both must feel in this moment, having been pressured so much by the situation that it had almost let them lose hope it would ever happen at all. Oh, she was sure that they would spoil their child out of love!

"I'm sorry, Daphne just told me," Draco said when he was finally able to speak again, though his voice was still a bit thick with emotion. He placed a kiss on Astoria's forehead. "And I hope you're not mad at me, but we played you a bit."

Astoria looked up, her expression changing from confusion to worry, biting her lip as well as furrowing her brows. "You did what? You mean I'm not–?"

"No, no. You most probably are, love! Don't worry!" he stopped her in an apologetic tone, shortly rubbing her back. "That's not what I meant. Believe me, I'm just as happy as you are–"

"Draco Lucius Malfoy, _my_ husband and supposed love of my life! _What_ have you done?" Astoria loosened the embrace to have a better look at him.

"Sister, please," Daphne said, intervening. Her little sister sometimes had the habit of jumping to assumptions where there were none. "We just helped a bit. What you thought were Mylo's Puking Pastilles hidden in Mum's sweets was, in fact, a new fertility potion–"

Astoria made a step back, staring at both of them. " _Another_ fertility potion? After _how many_ I've tried before?" After glaring at both of them with dangerously narrowed eyes, she started to shake her head with a disbelieving smirk. "That is one hell of a trick you played on me. Seriously! Making me believe I ate one of Mylo's Puking Pastilles!" She slapped Draco on the shoulder.

"Ouch," he complained, rubbing the spot. "I just wanted to–"

"Shh... It's okay, you idiot." She pulled him towards her, again shaking her head in disbelief, but now grinning broadly. "You idiot," she repeated before framing his face with her hands to pull him down. "For that, you're coming along to the check-up with my Healer." And with that, she placed a heartfelt kiss on his lips.

 **END**


	2. The Talk

Story Title: The Talk

Rating: Teen and up for bad language and suggested adult sexual situations.

Genre: Humour

Penname: _-Undisclosed-_

Pairing: None

Story Summary: The Weasley Twins head off to share some time with Arthur, their father, unbeknown that a Weasley family secret is about to be revealed, that will shock them to their magical cores.

* * *

The Talk

* * *

Arthur Weasley reluctantly picked up his briefcase and closed the door of his tiny office in the Ministry of Magic and apparated home. He landed with ease, and headed towards the front door. He could already hear the buzz of conversation and bursts of laughter. He smiled, looking forward to seeing his family, as the children would be returning to Hogwarts on Monday. All save for Ginny, their youngest, who was not due to go until the Autumn.

Bodies hurled themselves upon him immediately once he emerged through the door, and he in turn hauled them into his arms for a hug. With much back slapping and affectionate words, he wiped his eyes as he turned from his children and embraced his wife, Molly, enormously, then kissed her on the cheek.

"Dinner's ready love," She automatically said as she patted his cheek with affection. She turned her head and gave a silent nod towards the twins . From their many years together, Arthur understood her meaning instantly, and nodded. He closed his eyes, reconciled to having to take his son's aside for that "talk".

Dinner was a busy affair with plates full of food being passed from hand to hand, and Arthur was glad to be eating and conversing with his family. That is until he cornered the twins on their own.

"Fred, George?" He beckoned with a crooked finger and in a low voice enquired. "Are you two free to give your old dad some help tomorrow?"

George and Fred glanced at each other before responding in unison. "Course Dad," They said .

George added, "We have arranged."

"A Quidditch game with, "Fred continued.

"Ginny, Ron, Percy and Bill," they finished together.

Arthur laughed and shook his head. "Perhaps I better leave it till Sunday afternoon. I know your mother wants to go to Diagon Alley to pick up odds and ends before you all head back to school. I am sure she is taking Ron and Ginny with her, so you two can help me out. That is unless, of course, you prefer to help your mother?"

The twins' faces showed identical looks of horror, and quickly agreed to help him on Sunday afternoon. They both shared a smug expression, knowing they now had a legitimate excuse not to go shopping with their mum and younger siblings.

Arthur sat down on his bed and sighed. That had been the easy part, and he was not looking forward to Sunday afternoon.

Molly followed him in and firmly closed the door, then waved her hand, using wandless magic to silence the room from anyone overhearing them. A most useful spell she had discovered shortly after her marriage. It had saved many red faces and embarrassing conversations.

"How did it go?" She asked coming to sit alongside her husband.

"We have arranged to meet on Sunday afternoon when you, "he paused and looked at his wife, "I hope are still going to Diagon Alley with Ginny and Ron?"

"Yes, yes." She nodded and agreed that her being out of the way would make it easier for him to have a talk with the twins. "Don't worry about Bill or Percy, I have had Bill get permission to show him around Gringotts, in case Percy decides to go into Banking."

"That's my Molly Wobbles." He said with a chuckle as he patted her hand before leaning in for a kiss. "The door is secure?" He asked.

"Secure as Gringotts and we shall not be disturbed." Molly flicked her wand and Arthur flushed red as his wife magically removed their clothes with one swish.

"Ahh, you were always so good at charms, my love."

"Forever the charmer, Arthur Weasley." Molly chuckled before she had her wicked way with him.

Sunday rolled around all too soon for Arthur. The weekend had been so good up until the moment Molly had Floo'ed away after much cajoling from both Ginny and Ron, who had not wished to go. But Molly bribed them both with the promise of a treat.

Bill and Percy had left earlier in the day leaving the Burrow completely empty of Weasley's, apart from Arthur, George and Fred.

"Fred, George..." He called out, trying to discover where the twins were located. Thundering footsteps were heard from overhead, then the sounds of whoops as the twins competed with one another to be first down the stairs. Their loud shouts, leaps and clattering of feet echoed throughout the house.

"Boys, boys!" Shouted Arthur above the din as the twins slid across the wooden floor, having both jumped onto the rug at the bottom of the stairs. Without magic, they used their impetus to carry them over the polished floor to stop in front of their waiting father.

With cheeky grins and eyes flashing full of mirth, the twins announced. "You called father?"

Arthur rolled his eyes and shook his head as he could not help but grin at their antics. "You boys never stop, do you?"

"No dad!"

"Come with me..." He wanted to ensure privacy for his 'talk' with his sons, and led them out into the garden. He turned and ignored their questions about what was going on. "Listen, what I am about to show you must on NO account be revealed to anyone, especially your mother!" Arthur glared seriously into his sons' faces, and stood until he got a nod from each of them, then their words of agreement. "Good, now follow me."

George and Fred communicated silently back and forth as they had done since they had been born, and perhaps even before that. They were so in tune with one another that they knew what the other was going to say or what they thought. It also saved time and energy with needless words.

Both remained puzzled, and could not figure out what their father was up too. They both agreed to go along with what he had asked, however, and agreed that it could turn into some adventure.

"Look,". Arthur said as he magically revealed what was hidden in plain sight behind his garden shed.

"Where did," began Fred, "You get that" continued George, "car?" they finished together.

"I have been tinkering with it for a few years. Finally got it to work and..." Arthur's whole body was tingling with pride, joy and excitement. He revealed his biggest secret that not even his Molly Wobbles knew. "It can fly!"

"Wow!" The twins moved up close and touched and caressed the vehicle with undecided pleasure. They were in awe of the car as much as their father.

"You did this,". Began George with a thrill in his voice.

"All by yourself?" Fred finished as awe struck as his brother. Both turned their glittering eyes at their father.  
Together, they said, "We are impressed Dad. Can we go for a drive?"

He, in turn, beamed with pride and blushed at his son's undoubtable praise, knowing that his own excitement was reflected in his twins' eyes. He had not taken it for a proper test drive and perhaps he could kill two owls with one spell.

Arthur squeezed into the front seat with George and Fred. They had refused to be separated, so all three sat in the front. He had much hand slapping to do to keep the young enthusiastic wizard's away from their prodding and poking of every instrument, knob, and items inside the car. Once he had managed to get the boys to calm down, he took off the handbrake and turned on the ignition.

He revved the engine and soon, they were moving along the grass and had come out from behind the overgrown ground and out into the front yard of the Burrow. He flicked up a switch that the twins eagerly read out.

"Fly". Then repeated the word until they were up in the sky. "Fly, fly, fly!"

Arthur chuckled at their enthusiasm and began to show them how to fly the car. They swapped places and soon both of his sons had taken turns at the wheel.

"Must be in the whatsit things the Muggles call it!" Arthur smiled smugly.

"Genes, Dad!" The twins replied.

"Yes, that's the word!" and Arthur repeated it incorrectly, "Geans."

Arthur took control of the wheel from Fred as they circled the Burrow a final time before bringing the car down into a slow descent. He landed lightly on the grass before driving the car back around behind his garden shed. He had insisted that the car, when flown, should remain invisible at all times.

"Remember, not a word to your mum, and either myself, Charlie or Bill must be with you if you want to take the car out for a spin. You must never try to drive her on your own." Arthur warned, and the twins nodded firmly in agreement. What Arthur didn't see were both their hands hiding behind their backs with crossed fingers. The twins were about to get out when he asked them to remain.

"I enjoyed our test drive boys, but I asked you to come out with me today without the others as I need to talk to you both."

George looked at Fred and both sets of eyes opened wide with terror. "Dad, you don't need to." They said, faces turning red to match their hair.

"No, no, no... It's not THAT!" Laughed Arthur, and was glad his twins were smart and knew about the nargles and the Puffskeins, but this conversation was going to make them so much more uncomfortable than that little talk.

The twins sighed with relief and sat back in their seats. "No, this 'talk' is for us Weasley men only. It does not happen in other Wizarding families." Arthur pondered thoughtfully, "Well I don't think it does, never heard about it in any other Pure Blood family line before."

"Heard of what?" The twins asked in unison and both began could feel the color drain from their skin. Their dad being serious about anything, and by him taking them aside like this, both knew that whatever it was about, it was very important.

"Now Fred, George, I wish you to remain silent. What I am about to say to you is difficult enough to explain, but at the end I shall answer any questions." Both boys nodded and listened.

The boys' faces throughout Arthur's 'talk' changed from pale deathly white to a heated flaming red and every shade in between, including green.

Arthur raised his wand to ensure privacy.

"I had this same talk given to me by my father. He, in turn, had been given this same talk by his father all the way back up our family bloodline to our ancient ancestor, Merlin."

He smiled as he heard the gasps of surprise from his sons. Bill, Charlie and Percy had all gasped upon hearing that tidbit of information as well.

"In ancient times Wizards were few. Merlin wanted his blood to spread throughout the world and passed certain magical strengths onto his children. We Weasley's all come from one son of Merlin. He was most prolific in breeding and raising healthy children with strong magic." Arthur was sweating and rubbed a handkerchief across his face.

"The Weasley males are very fertile, and this is the reason for my talk to you, George and Fred. Both of you need to be aware of our unique problem. Sadly, in our case, EVERY Weasley male of age to be mature enough to have congress with a witch or wizard... results in Pregnancy EVERY single time!"

The twins' double inhales of shock made Arthur wince knowingly, and he squeezed their arms lightly before continuing. He knew there would be questions. His sons always had questions, and thankfully, this being the fourth time having this discussion, he had enough material - he hoped.

"There are many charms, spells, and potions we often use in our Magical world to protect witches from conceiving children. Our seed is so strong that it takes only one entering the witch or in our case, even a wizard, to result in pregnancy. LET THIS BE A WARNING."

Arthur squeezed his sons' hands. He remembered how difficult it had been for both Charlie and Bill. Percy not so much, as he had admitted not being interested in witches, as he had been too busy studying. But for both Charlie and Bill it had proved difficult as they had always been popular with witches, and had found this Weasley gene to be a curse rather than a blessing. Arthur decided that he had to offer more information to Fred and George as he was aware of their popularity at school, and the quidditch team also had a female following, he was sure.

"You can still go out with witches and wizards, that is your choice. They may wish more from you, but I must warn you to be very careful. Unless you are sure that this choice is the one you wish to bare your offspring, then do not proceed with any form of sexual congress. The only safe way is to refrain from any form of... activity."

The twins were both stunned, they sat with eyes as big as saucers and both had gone deathly pale. Arthur knew for his sons to remain silent like this meant they were both in shock at learning this news.

"Do you have any questions?" Arthur asked softly.

Both boys shook their heads vigorously and remained silent and colorless. He removed a bar of chocolate from his pocket and broke it into three equal sized pieces, handing a third to Fred and George, then popped a cube of the chocolate into his mouth. He needed it as his energy was low although, he would much prefer a tumbler of Elf Made whiskey.

Arthur decided they had heard enough for the time being, and knew they would ask more when ready.

"Come on boys, out you pop. Think your Mum and the others will be back soon, so hurry up." He allowed George and Fred to get out of the car before drawing them into a fierce hug. He knew this news had shocked them down to their magical cores.

He could still remember as a young man how upset he had become when he had found out the family secret. He had slipped up with Molly, but no one really noticed that Bill had arrived inside the nine months after he and Molly had married. There was so much going on at the time, and as they had been blessed with a healthy son, the timescale had gone unnoticed. But he wanted his sons to be safe.

The conversation at dinner was kept by the excitement from Percy's visit to Gringotts. He was very enthused about Bill's work, and said he would be interested in learning how the Bank operated. Ron and Ginny added to it by informing all who would listen about the new animals in the pet shop. Then Ron gushed over the latest broomstick in the quidditch shop window. Only Molly and Arthur seemed to be aware of the twins near silence.

Molly glanced towards Arthur on serving up dessert of sticky toffee cauldrons with hot chocolate sauce. She handed him his plate and he mouthed an okay and smiled weakly back at her.

The twins sat down on their bed that night in silence. They had an arm around each other and shared in the conflict at the news that their father had inflicted on them earlier. They both had thought that after the summer, they would be snogging every witch they fancied and touching those that allowed more than a quick feel behind the quidditch stands or in secret or shadowy corridors late at night

"Fuck!" They said in unison and then both added, "we are both not getting screwed any time soon!

They sat quietly for a full five minutes.

Then their dour expressions were instantly transformed, eyes brightened and gleeful smiles began to burst onto their faces. They had a revelation!

"Granger!" They exclaimed with delight.

A scribbled message was furiously written, first by Fred then completed by George. They gave the parchment to the family owl and urged that it was dire.

The twins laughed uproariously at their idea and gave each other a high five. They just hoped Hermione Granger, a muggleborn witch, could help them out, or they were both going to remain virgins for many years to come.

Fred and George cornered Hermione the next day on the Hogwarts Express and frogmarched her into the cramped toilet.

"I hope you came up with the muggle goods?" Asked Fred who moved Hermione to sit on the closed toilet seat.

The twins stood over Hermione and watched as she removed a couple of muggle books from her shoulder bag.

"I brought a muggle sex educational book given on my tenth birthday from my mum. It provides lots of useful information about various methods and forms of contraception. It is laid out in simple language suitable for a child," She looked up from her bag and blushed. "Sorry, didn't mean to imply you are stupid, but the text is easier to understand, so read this one first, alright?"

Both boys nodded, their faces flushed as much as hers. "Then read this one. It is more of an adult book. My mum let me read it for educational purposes, so please be careful with it. Make a copy of it and return the original to me later."

George took the book and flicked through it. His eyes grew round with shock and he gasped, having just seen an image of two muggles having sex.

Fred had glimpsed the page and paled. He gulped with astonishment that muggles allowed such books to be published.

"It's got pictures?" The twins gasped.

"Yes," Hermione closed the book titled The Joy of Sex and suggested they read it later. She asked with an inquiring look on her face. "Why do you need all of this muggle stuff?"

"Muggle Studies project!" The twins announced.

"Hmmm, I am sure there is more to it than that." She raised a quizzical eyebrow, then thrust her arm deep into her bag and brought out a box. "These are muggle condoms." She flushed red. "Just read the small print, if you need more let me know."

"Thanks Hermione!" George said drawing her up into a hug.

"We will repay you one day." Fred said with a wink, as he joined in with a three-way hug.

"Remember to keep this our secret?" The twins requested in unison.

Hermione nodded. "Yes, I shall." She was rather pleased. The twins seemed to be sensible in researching safe sex, and they had not been joking around either. Perhaps they were growing up a little?

Three years later...

Arthur was aware of his twin's new product, but did not dare bring it home to try. His Molly Wobbles would be shocked, and would wish to post a howler to the twins immediately. Instead, he thought it best to keep silent and she would probably and hopefully never discover about the boy's new line of muggle-made magical adult range. Not at least till the twins had left school.

The twins had used Hermione Granger's muggle items to create more efficient, stronger and magical condoms. They were strong, durable and would not break. They had managed to create a one size fits all members and rather enjoyed testing the items with no negative results. Or in the Twins' case, no positive ones.

End


	3. Knit, Purl

Story Title: Knit, Purl  
Rating: K  
Genre: Gen  
Penname: _-Undisclosed-_  
Pairing: Lily/James  
Summary: When Lily finds out she's pregnant she decides she wants to knit a baby blanket

* * *

 **Knit, Purl  
**

* * *

 **Saturday, 13 December 1980**

Lily swore again under her breath and wrapped the pale blue yarn around the needles again. She followed the motion in the book and managed three more stitches before the needles slipped and she dropped another stitch. She growled from the back of her throat, situated the needles once more and wrapped the yarn again. Before she could complete the next stitch, someone flopped on the sofa next to her, jostling her hands and causing five stitches to slip off the needle.

She wanted to scream. Instead, she delivered an icy glare to the man who had made her mess up. Again.

"Sirius! What are you doing? Can't you see I'm busy? You made me drop stitches!"

He grinned and waggled his eyebrows. "Whatcha doing, Lily-flower?"

"Don't call me that."

"Oh, come on. It's yarn, why don't you charm it? I mean the book you're referencing has the spell right there."

"I want to do it by hand; it means more if it's homemade." She lowered her knitting project to her lap and straightened her back which popped twice with the movement. "I want everything to be perfect."

"Lily, you just found out you're pregnant. You've got plenty of time to make this baby blanket. You're stressing yourself out when you don't have to," he said. He reached over and pulled her project from her lap and set it on the coffee table. "Come on, Prongs is bouncing off the walls and wants to go to Diagon Alley."

"And what's that have to do with me?"

"He wants to buy baby furniture already, I figure you'd rein him in if you come with us. And I need to buy some Christmas gifts and you always have such great ideas for Moony."

She sighed and looked forlornly at her sad little pile of yarn. "Fine, let's go stop him before he buys duplicates of everything."

 **Sunday, 12 April 1981**

"What do you mean we need to move?" James asked Dumbledore. "We just bought this place; it's perfect. We're going to have a baby!"

The Headmaster looked down and nodded before speaking, "I know you're going to have a child, James. That's why you must go into hiding. I've gained intelligence that your family is going to be targeted because of the child Lily carries. It would be prudent," he paused and let his eyes slip over to Lily, "to go into hiding now before anything happens.

His words, as usual, tickled the back of Lily's mind. She always trusted him, but he had a habit of speaking in riddles and double language. This time he mean before she had the baby and before Death Eaters attacked.

Lily stood and moved closer to her husband, putting a hand on his arm. He visibly calmed and turned to her, eyes wide with worry behind his glasses. "It'll be fine James. It's only things. Our lives are more important."

He nodded shakily before taking a deep breath. He looked back to Dumbledore and nodded. "All right. Where are we going?"

 **Tuesday, 21 April 1981**

"Has anyone seen my knitting project?" Lily asked as Sirius and James directed their floating furniture into the smaller living space of their new house in Godric's Hollow.

"Nope!" Sirius answered loudly, laughing as he bumped James with the floating armchair. "You still working on that?" James grumbled under his breath as he stumbled and pretended to glare at Sirius.

"You know how hectic things have been lately, Sirius. I've worked a bit more with it but then I set it aside and now I can't find it. I thought it was with the baby's things but I've already unpacked that room," Lily answered as she put the dishes in the cupboard above the sink by hand.

"You've already got the baby's room unpacked?" Peter asked as he came in carrying a small box in his arms.

"Yeah Pete, that room was the first one she did. The one for the baby who's not here yet. Not our room, not the kitchen. You know, important rooms?" James teased, flicking his wand to shift the sofa a foot to the left. "Or the toilet! You know she rearranged the baby's clothes twice before she remembered to put paper in the loo!"

Remus chuckled and looked over at her unsure if she was okay with the teasing. She looked sheepish but she was laughing with them.

 **Sunday, 26 July 1981**

"So today's the day, right?" James whispered as he kissed the top of Lily's head. She'd surrounded herself with pillows to try and find some comfort and sleep. She was surprised there was enough room left in the bed for him.

"Maybe," she answered.

He shifted up on his elbow and brought his watch-clad wrist so close to his face it's a wonder he didn't go cross-eyed. "No, no, the date says the twenty-sixth. It's today."

She giggled. He'd obviously woke up before her to put his watch on just to go through this little scenario. "The baby might be late."

"No!" he said, bringing a hand to his chest in a dramatic show of disbelief. "Well, the first thing to do when he gets here is to teach him that timing is important. He's going to have to work on that to be a first-rank prankster like me and his Uncle Padfoot."

She giggled again but then sighed. "I don't feel ready."

"We've triple checked everything. The bag's by the Floo. Padfoot's just a Patronus away. As soon as you say you think it's time, we'll be at St Mungo's."

"I know," she paused, "I feel bad that we lost my knitting project in the move. I really wanted to have a homemade blanket to bring him home in."

"I'm sure they've got blankets at the hospital, Lily."

 **Saturday, 1 August 1981**

"You ready to bring little Harry home, Lily?" Remus asked. They were all sitting in the hospital room waiting for her to be released. Harry was sleeping in Peter's arms right next to the bed.

"We've got something for you first, though," Sirius said. He was grinning and Lily recognised that mischievous glint in his eyes. He pulled out a small gift bag and set it on her lap.

"What is this?" She asked before peeking into the bag. Inside was a baby blanket, the same pretty baby blue coloured yarn that she'd lost months ago. She pulled it out and unfolded it. The blanket was lopsided and there were a few knots where the yarn had snarled. She looked up at them with a blinding smile. "You found it? Who finished it?"

Remus nodded towards the bag. "There's more."

She set the blanket aside and pulled the other thing from the bag. A small photo album. She opened it to see a photograph of Prongs with yarn tangled in his antlers and blowing gently in the breeze as he blinked. She could almost see a frown on the stag's face. She laughed and looked up at James. "What?"

He smiled back and encouraged her to continue looking through the pictures.

The second photograph must have been taken right after the first because it was of James, with the knotted yarn all over his head and tangled up in his glasses. He was trying not to laugh, trying for that over-dramatic frown, but he couldn't hold it and the photo showed him cracking up with laughter.

The next showed a close up of Padfoot with yarn wrapped around his muzzle. His puppy dog eyes seemed to say _help me_. The next image showed Sirius trying to untangle the yarn mess they had created.

What followed was Sirius holding his arms out in front of him with the yarn wrapped around both. Remus was beside him winding the yarn into a ball from Sirius's arms. Sirius's smile was bright and Remus was grinning.

The next two were of Peter. The first showed him looking wide-eyed at the needles and yarn ball. Then a close up of Wormtail with his little paws holding one of the needles and the ball of yarn sitting on top of him.

The last one was of Remus actually trying to knit the blanket. He was cursing as Sirius and James flopped on the sofa on either side of him causing him to drop stitches off his needle. The look of annoyance on his face as he looked at his best friends was priceless.

She looked up at them. "You stole my project!" she said, but she couldn't even pretend to be mad because she was smiling too much. "Thank you all; this is beautiful." She spread her fingers over the blanket and noticed how even the stitches were. "You still resorted to using the spell, didn't you?" She looked over at Remus.

"I did the first half of it," he said in way of an apology. "But Padfoot just had to try the spell. Knitting's hard!"

She laughed. From Peter's arms Harry cooed a little and started squirming. Lily unfolded the blanket and laid it over her arm. "Gimme my baby," she told him playfully. Peter stood and carefully placed baby Harry into his mother's arms to be swaddled in his homemade, pale blue baby blanket.


	4. Ginny's New Equipment

Story Title: Ginny's New Equipment  
Rating: M for language and suggestive themes  
Genre: Gen  
Penname: _-Undisclosed-_  
Pairing: Ginny Weasley / Blaise Zabini  
Summary: Ginny and Blaise have been dating for a while and when she finally gets to spend April Fools with him, instead of with the twins for their birthday, she plans out an epic trick. Only to have it foiled in the best way possible.

* * *

 **Ginny's New Equipment**

* * *

Ginny landed on the Quidditch pitch after practice was over. Her fellow teammates landed around her, all laughing, grinning and talking about what they were joke they were going to pull on their significant others tomorrow. It was the last day of March, making tomorrow morning April first—April Fool's Day.

A momentary frown creased her brow. She hadn't actually thought about what prank she would pull. Usually the family gathered at the Burrow for the twins' birthday, but this year, the twins were over in America, expanding their business. So that left Ginny free to spend her time with her boyfriend, and as he spent his time the rest of the year teasing her, this was going to have to be epic.

"Gin, what are you going to do?" Liliana asked her.

Ginny gave her a wicked grin as an idea hit her, laying her broom over her shoulder. "That is a good question, Lil. But I'm not going to tell. Can't have you stealing my idea." With that, she winked at the Keeper of her team and headed for the locker room. She had some major planning to do.

Once in the locker room, she put her broom away in her locker, along with her practice gear, then headed for the showers. In her mind, she was running over all of the possibilities of how she could achieve what she wanted to do before tomorrow. Her first option was out, unless someone else had some spare Polyjuice potion laying around, already brewed and ready.

She supposed she could give Hermione a call; she and Draco kept a whole store of potions at the ready. Of course, being Aurors, they had to. But she didn't know if she wanted to involve Draco in her scheme. He might go and blab. She picked up the shampoo bottle, squirting a generous amount into her palm, and started to work it into her hair.

She could just transfigure herself. She had gotten rather adept at Transfiguration during the war. She was chewing on her bottom lip as she rinsed her hair, nails scraping at her scalp to get the suds out. Why did she always have to procrastinate?

When she turned off the water, that was when it came to her. Fred and George had just recently come out with a new product that allowed the witch or wizard to transform their appearance at will. Kind of like a metamorphmagus could, though the effects were only temporary. They lasted so long as the ring stayed on your finger. It looked as if a trip to Weasley's Wizard Wheezes was in her future. 

XxX 

The bar wasn't as crowded as he had expected, but as Blaise sat on a stool at the counter, he found himself wishing he had argued about their meeting place. Somewhere more intimate and quiet. After all, the plans he had for tonight were big. His dark eyes scanned the small crowd once again for that vibrant shock of red hair.

She was fifteen minutes late and that was unlike her. Maybe once she got here he could convince her to go elsewhere. He took another sip of his Firewhiskey, sighing softly. "Why the long face, mate?"

He turned his head toward the deep voice that had spoken right next to him. The spot had been vacant moments before and he didn't remember noticing that anyone had sat down next to him. The man had black hair, baby blue eyes, and a light dusting of freckles across his nose and cheeks. He sported a friendly grin.

Blaise didn't know why, but he answered anyway. "My girlfriend is running late. It's date night. Her practice probably just ran over."

The young man raised a brow, "Practice? She a quidditch player?"

"Yeah, a Chaser for the Harpies." Blaise grinned as an image of a naked Ginny popped up into his mind.

The man chuckled softly as if he could read minds. "There are some damn fine women on that team. That Ginny Weasley, she's an excellent player."

Blaise jerked his head at the man, eyes narrowing at the man. "Yeah, she truly is."

The man licked his lips after he had taken a drink of his Firewhiskey. "Can I ask you a question?"

"Yeah, sure…" Blaise was hesitant now, this man was creeping him out just a little now. He was talking to him as if he'd known Blaise for a while.

"What the bloody hell is a sexy motherfucker like you doing with a woman?"

Whatever question Blaise had been expecting, that wasn't it. His jaw came unhinged and the glass in his hand slipped, clanking down onto the bar top. "Excuse me?"

The wizard chuckled, taking another sip of his drink, eyeing Blaise out of the corner of his eye. "Don't get me wrong, mate. I love the ladies, I do. But I'm more of a bloke guy. Something about being dominated. Just turns me on. So that brings me back to my question."

Blaise just blinked at the man sitting next to him, absolutely speechless for once in his life.

"Oh, I seem to have stolen your ability to form words. Sorry, mate. But seriously though, you must have blokes fawning over you all the time. I mean, I've seen your ads in Witch Weekly. Quidditch gear never looked so good." The man had turned toward Blaise, his legs framing Blaise's body.

The whole encounter was making Blaise a little uncomfortable; he didn't even know this bloke's name. "Umm..thanks? I guess I'm just a pussy man."

"Didn't they call you the Italian Stallion in school? I'm sure I heard that somewhere." The wizard chuckled again, downing his drink. That was when Blaise caught sight of the ring on the man's middle finger and it was also when he knew what was going on.

With a smirk, he started to play along. He downed his own drink, signaling for Hannah to pour them both another, and turned to face the man. "So, what is your name, mate? Since we're having this intimate conversation, it'd be nice to know your name. Especially because it seems you know mine."

The wizard smiled an award-winning smile and nodded, "Fair enough. I'm Connor. Connor O'Leary. I was a year behind you at Hogwarts and in Hufflepuff."

Blaise grinned at Connor and tilted his head, nodding. "Makes since why I don't remember you then. I didn't have much to do with Hufflepuff. Except for the random lass that wanted to jump on the Italian Stallion."

Connor threw his head back and laughed softly. "I have to admit I was jealous of those girls. And the girls who got to shag Malfoy too. Damn lucky birds." The wizard leaned in closer to Blaise, the scent of Firewhiskey on his breath. He must have imbibed before arriving, or else he was a lightweight. "What would it take for me to convince you to give it a go? I'd rock your world."

Blaise leaned in as well, his eyes searching the face before him, looking for any sign of the face he loved looking into. But those damn Weasley rings were amazing. "Tell me, Connor, what is your wildest fantasy? If it intrigues me, I may just give in."

He watched as Connor slowly drew in a breath, like what he was feeling was something new to him. Blaise flicked his eyes down to the crotch of the bloke's pants and was once again amazed at the brilliance of the Weasley twins' genius. It seemed that the transformation rings really did completely transform you.

"My wildest fantasy?" Those blue eyes dropped to Blaise's lips then travelled around the mostly empty bar. His voice had dropped as he leaned in further when he finally spoke, and even though it was a man's voice and words, Blaise knew who was really speaking. "For you to bend me over this bar and fuck me in the arse for everyone to see."

Blaise's eyebrows rose as he looked at Connor. His hand moved forward, resting on Connor's thigh with a smirk. "Is that all? Because while I have no problem with voyeurism, that's not very wild for me."

That was when the evil glint made its way into Connor's eyes. "Oh, that most definitely isn't all. Because once you were done with me, I'd flip you around and do the same to you. I'd fuck you so good, you'd forget all about your girlfriend."

"Oh, I don't think so, she's pretty unforgettable. But I think I might just have to see what I can do for you. Since the offer you make is so appealing." Their faces were inches 's lips parted as his tongue made an appearance to lick them, anticipation clearly written on his face.

With a smirk from Blaise, he turned to Hannah with a wink. She was staring at him with wide eyes before narrowing them. But he gave her a knowing look and she suddenly understood. "I need a room, Han."

She tossed him a key and gave him a wink back. "Don't have too much fun, Blaise. But then again, when Ginny finds out, she's going to kill you anyway."

Blaise laughed and turned back to Connor, jerking his head in the direction of the stairs. "Well, Connor, let's go and get you your ride on the Italian Stallion." 

XxX 

Ginny was laughing so very hard on the inside, she couldn't believe that she had actually led Blaise on for this long and that he was going along with it. She couldn't even be pissed that he was technically going to cheat on her. Though, she planned on pulling off the ring before they even got remotely close to doing anything.

When they got to the room Hannah had given them, Blaise opened the door, sweeping his arm out. "Please, come in." Ginny walked by him, trailing her hand across his chest, her eyes locking with his. She was at least going to have a hot snog session with him before she took the ring off.

The sound of the door closing had her shuddering in anticipation as she moved to the window and looked out. She had been turned on for quite some time. If she had still been in her body, her knickers would have been drenched. She felt Blaise come up behind her, his chest pressing against her back. It felt different in this body—she was taller, so his chest was even with her shoulder blades. His arms came around her waist as his lips found her neck, sucking right on the spot that turned her on the most.

That was when she knew that he had caught onto her little joke. She turned in his arms with a grin, her eyes meeting his on a level for once. "How did you know?"

The wide smirk on his lips had her heart doing double time. It was one of her favorite things about him. "I saw that new ring of your brothers'. They've got one design flaw, they're not ordinary enough. But just so you know, even if you had a dick, I'd still have these feelings."

Ginny slipped the ring from her finger, her features slowly morphing back to their own, and she laughed, leaning up to kiss her man. "You are such a prat."

His lips moved against hers, hands roaming up her back. "But I'm your prat and you love me. And I'd definitely bend over and spread my cheeks for you."

Ginny couldn't help the giggle that escaped her lips, tucking her face into his broad, muscular chest. He brought a hand up and cupped her cheek, tilting her head back up to look in her eyes. The humor in them had been replaced by something deeper, more meaningful, and Ginny's breath hitched in her chest.

"I may have been the Italian Stallion throughout school, bedding any girl that would jump on for a ride, but there was always one flame that burned brighter than any of the others. If I was the dark spot in the room, you were the fire that illuminated the shadows. Its why I didn't follow in Draco's footsteps. Its why I jumped at the chance after you and Potter called it quits when the war was over.

"You were everything I wanted and didn't know that I actually needed. My mom fucked me over, Ginny, you know that as well as anyone else does. Better, actually. Marriage, in my mind, was a useless farce that she performed just to get more Galleons into our vaults. But you...you changed my mind on the whole institution." He released her and stepped back a couple of steps, dropping down to one knee.

Ginny covered her mouth with both hands, her eyes tearing up. She tried to blink away the tears, but the escaped and started to roll down her cheeks. "Ginevra Molly Weasley, will you do me the extreme honor of becoming Mrs. Zabini? Will you marry me?" He pulled a black velvet box from his pocket, opening the lid.

Instead of a beautiful ring being revealed, there was a green beetle sitting on the satin. Ginny's happiness turned to anger as she glared at her boyfriend, his grin turning into a chuckle. "April Fool's!"

She launched herself at him, slapping at his chest while cursing his existence. She still loved him deeply, yes, but he was so in the shit house.

Ginny was strong, but he was stronger, and before long, he had her pinned under him on the floor, his lips moving on hers. She pushed him back from her lips as best she could, but he was still only inches away. "You are an arse."

"I know. But I meant every word I said, Ginny." One of his hands released hers and disappeared. In a moment, it returned, and in his fingers was the most beautiful ring she had ever seen. "And I was serious in what I was asking. Will you marry me?"

The happiness and tears returned as she nodded her head, holding her hand out for Blaise to slip the ring on her finger. "Yes, I will, you arse."

He laughed and kissed her, mumbling against her lips. "I love you, Ginny."

"I love you, too Blaise Zabini."


End file.
